"Who" vs. "Whom": How to Use the Words Correctly

Who gets to have all the fun. Who gets to be on first. Who is responsible for letting the dogs out. Meanwhile, whom is sitting in the corner, being perceived as pretentious by plenty of English speakers.

But whom isn’t neglected due to any fault of its own; rather, whom is neglected because plenty of people aren’t quite sure when, and how, to use it correctly in a sentence. It’s confusing to figure out when who vs. whom is the right word to use, so it can seem easier to just use the more common, straightforward who and call it a day.

But if you’re grammar-curious, you’ve probably wondered when it’s actually correct to use each one. After all, it’s one of the grammar rules that will instantly make you sound smarter. Now, let’s take a look at the rules for who vs. whom.

Get Reader’s Digest’s Read Up newsletter for more grammar tips, travel, humor, tech and fun facts all week long.

Who vs. whom: The difference

Unlike plenty of other words that sound similar but mean different things, who and whom do mean very much the same thing—they’re both pronouns used to identify or specify a person—it’s just how you use them that’s different. The main difference between who and whom is that who should refer to the subject of a sentence or clause, while whom is meant to refer to the object of a preposition or verb.

When to use who vs. whom

So how does that work when you’re composing actual sentences? These examples should help.

When to use who

If the person is doing or being the action, you should use who.

Who made this delightful crockpot lasagna?
Who is the man in this photo?
I know who set off the alarm.

Note that in a sentence like “I know who set off the alarm,” I is the subject of the whole sentence, but who is the subject of the second clause because who is still the performer of an action: setting off the alarm.

When to use whom

What about the more enigmatic whom? What exactly does the confusing grammar rule mean when it tells us to “refer to the object of a preposition or verb”?

Well, it means the subject, the person (or thing) performing the action, is something or someone else. The person that the subject is performing the action in relation to should be referred to as whom. Yes, that’s a little confusing, but here are some examples:

Whom did the baseball hit?
To whom should I write this check?

In the first sentence, the baseball is the subject, doing the action. Whom is the recipient of the action (being hit by the baseball). The second sentence illustrates how to use whom with a preposition. In “To whom should I write this check?” I is the subject because I am writing the check; whom is the object because the action is being done to them—the check is being written to them.

Quick reference guide

Function	Use	Example
Subject	Who	Who called me?
Object	Whom	Whom did you call?

Grammar rules for who and whom

Who and whom are both “wh” question words, meaning we use them to ask questions about people.

Who as an interrogative pronoun

Who is at the door?
Who is the girl in the blue dress?

Who in indirect questions and statements

I do not remember who gave me the book.
There is a parcel. Can you tell me who it is for?

Who in emphatic questions

Who on earth do they think they are?
Who on earth has switched off the lights?

Who in relative clauses

The tall man, who has just entered the bank, looks suspicious.
My sister, who is younger than I am, takes care of my parents.

Whom with prepositions

Most of the audience, many of whom had booked tickets well in advance, did not get a seat.

Whom in relative clauses

She wrote a letter to her friend, whom she had last seen 10 years ago.

Whom in indirect questions and statements

He did not tell me for whom he had bought the flowers.

A trick to figure out who vs. whom

Does that sound complicated? Rest assured, there’s a simple and useful trick to make sure you’re using each one properly. It requires a quick substitution: If you can substitute subject pronouns, such as he or she, for the who/whom word and the sentence still makes sense, use who. If an object pronoun, such as him or her, makes sense when it’s substituted, whom is correct. (If the original sentence is a question, this tip will make more sense if, instead of using the same sentence verbatim, you answer the question.)

To understand the correct usage of who vs. whom, let’s look at some of our earlier examples using the substitution method:

Yes: She made this delightful crockpot lasagna.
No: Her made this delightful crockpot lasagna.
So: “Who made this delightful crockpot lasagna?” is correct.

Yes: He is the man in this photo.
No: Him is the man in the photo.
So: “Who is the man in this photo?” is correct.

Yes: The baseball hit him.
No: The baseball hit he.
So: “Whom did the baseball hit?” is correct.

Yes: Write this check to her.
No: Write this check to she.
So: “To whom should I write this check?” is correct.

Should you always use the who vs. whom rule?

By now, you might be furrowing your brow and thinking, “Um … ‘To whom should I address this letter?’ sounds pretty pretentious. Can I not just say ‘Who should I address this letter to?’” Well, you have a point. “Who should I address this letter to?” is technically incorrect, but it flows better and sounds a lot more natural, mainly because of how little we use whom phrasing nowadays. So don’t sweat it if you opt for the more familiar-sounding latter phrasing.

And here’s another grammar tidbit: Technically “incorrect” sentences like these are also a big cause of the grammar kerfuffle that arises around ending a sentence with a preposition. When a sentence that should technically say “to whom” or “with whom” swaps who for whom and sticks the preposition at the end, yes, that’s technically incorrect. But, like the strictly correct usage of who vs. whom, the don’t-end-a-sentence-with-a-preposition rule is one of the grammar rules it’s probably safe to ignore.

Who vs. whom usage in real life

Formal writing: The use of whom, especially with a preposition, is common in formal writing.
Casual conversation: Who is used in informal settings and casual conversations, such as “Who will you be going with to the movies?” although who is technically incorrect in this case.

It’s important to understand the distinction of who vs. whom to improve formal written communication. Though we more often use who in verbal communication, it is often not correct grammatically. With a little explanation and practice, however, it is possible to avoid this common misunderstanding of English grammar.

Why trust us

At Reader’s Digest, we’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.

Sources:

Cambridge Dictionary: “Who, whom”
idpIELTS: “Grammar 101: How to use who and whom correctly?”
Touro University: “Who or Whom?”
Grammarly: “When to Use ‘Who’ vs. ‘Whom’”

Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

The Most Confusing Grammar Rules

Reader's Digest

Words You're Using All Wrong